What Dante saw at the gates of hell..

Posted Wednesday, March 1st 2006

“All hope abandon, ye who enter here.”

I’m a die-hard optimist. I don’t let anything get in my way. So when a time comes that I lose my optimism is a sign that something is seriously not as it should be. I’ve never been one to crumble under pressure or give up. I’m just not like that.

And I’m not giving up now either. Though my optimism is starting to slowly fade away.

On saturday I lost it. For a few hours, my optimism was completely gone. So I went out for a walk around the neighbourhood, to pull my thoughts together and calm down. Well, a walk around the neighbourhood turned into me walking downtown and halfway back. I was walking for three hours or so.

The previous semester, which was quite hard, was an absolute breeze when compared to this one. This semester is going to be hell. Let me recap.

Today I spent roughly 12 hours at my university. I’m really really tired and I’m quite demotivated to do anything. And I have work to do. Anyway, I spent 4 hours with the rest of my team in a dedicated lab working on an industrial project assigned by my university. Which is all fine and well; if we knew where to start. Two projects were available, though they are not on the same difficulty scale. The one we got is about 10 times more difficult than the other one. It involves technologies we’ve never used and we’re all quite stumped by it.

The extended proposal for my MSc thesis (Project Management for Extreme Programming) is due on Friday, and I’ve written about half of it. I also have to start doing research on DOS attacks for a presentation. Work is everywhere, and I have no motivation to work whatsoever. Crap.

So I got my optimism back after that three hour walk. I gathered my thoughts, told myself that it’ll be ok, and eventually felt better. But after today.. Again, I’m not feeling entirely sure.

I need a shower, and I need to get to bed. And I need a call from a certain someone..